Self-esteem is the foundation of everything. Our growth, our success, our happiness – even our most intimate relationships – all depend on it. It influences how much we earn, whether we get promoted, and whether our connections with other people thrive or fall apart. Some people know this. Others don’t. And still others have heard it but quietly dismiss it as psychological nonsense. Yet it operates just as reliably as the law of gravity. It shapes our lives with the force of a tornado, whether we believe in it or not.

Here’s how it works: when we genuinely like ourselves, we send the universe a message that we deserve good things – abundance, a loving relationship, meaningful friendships, fulfilling work. The mirror that the universe holds up reflects our thoughts and beliefs back to us, drawing in kind people, positive experiences, and love. A person who truly loves themselves and sincerely believes they deserve the best unconsciously shapes their reality in alignment with that belief. And this, it turns out, is the most effective recipe for a happy relationship: if I love myself, I am loved. If I respect myself, I am respected. If I stay true to myself, I am not betrayed. Simple in principle – though far harder in practice.

Because liking yourself and maintaining a healthy sense of self-worth is genuinely difficult. I think the hardest part is discovering all the walls we’ve built against ourselves without realizing it – mistaking shame, false humility, and performed modesty for virtues, when in reality they quietly undermine us.

If you think that having positive or negative inner patterns is a matter of luck or external circumstances, you’re unfortunately mistaken. Yes, we are all shaped differently, and our inner landscapes vary. But every one of us carries unfavorable patterns – ones that are hard to locate, hard to name, and that silently sabotage our happiness in a thousand different ways. There are no exceptions to this. It applies to everyone, including those who had happy childhoods. Because being spoiled also creates patterns – ones that can cause just as much damage as neglect, only in a different direction.

The patterns I’m describing here are often unconscious. Hidden deep in the subconscious, they shape our lives in ways that evade logical understanding. Their roots lie in the past – in the complicated experiences we had as sensitive, impressionable children. And these experiences don’t have to be dramatic. Sometimes all it takes is demanding parents who never quite knew how to praise a good grade. Repetition plays a critical role here: a child who repeatedly hears “you could have done better” begins to internalize something very specific – that no matter what they achieve, it will never be enough.

Over time, this becomes a belief that we don’t belong – that we haven’t earned anything truly beautiful. We look at other people and quietly think: wealth, health, reciprocated love, success, fulfillment – those things are for people who are better than us. For the well-behaved ones. The hardworking, smart, obedient, gifted ones. Every deficit we absorbed in childhood becomes a wall separating us from a happy life, as we humbly but mistakenly believe we are somehow “different” from those who seem to have it all.

This is, of course, an illusion. And here’s the paradox: those very people we admire are thinking the same thing about themselves. They too have their patterns, their walls, their quiet sense of not quite measuring up. The difference lies not in who we are, but in what we believe about who we are – and that, thankfully, can be changed.

Jakub Qba Niegowski – Extrasensory Awareness Development Specialist

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